Monday 6/21 - Don't Quit

ICU Day #8 / Hospital Day #41

It was a great relief this weekend to have Kathy make some improvements. Success seems measured not in making great leaps forward but to not take giant falls back. She is still so critically ill that it is hard to really get charged up that she's going to pull through this crisis.

As I speak to Kathy's friends and family, I often talk about how I am telling her what's going on and how she is doing "better". As I try to take a positive outlook, I think I am misleading some of you about the real nature of her condition. Most of you upon seeing her would be terribly disappointed. But I know she is "better" than she was just a few days ago. And that is what I am telling her. She is a strong fighter and can make it through this ordeal.

This morning when I was checking emails and getting ready to start yet another day of my new routine, I looked up from Kathy's computer desk and saw a poem she had pinned to the message board. She must have known that she'd need it here one day. It seemed very appropriate so I took it along to read to her:

Don't Quit
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When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high;
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit --
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are;
It may be near when it seems so afar.

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit --
It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.

So with all that said, today was another better day. Her blood pressure was better. And they have reduced the frequency and oxygen mix ratios. This means she is not being forced to breath as fast, as deep and with as much oxygen on the ventilator as she was before. She has also been removed from the neuralmuscular blockade; although she is now more sedated with other medicines. She'll start dialysis again to help with the swelling. We hope that her kidneys restart soon. If every day there can be progress like this, then there truly appears to be hope.

I was there this morning when the physical therapist came in to work with her. Because Kathy has been in bed for so long and has become swollen with excess fluids, it is very important that her joints are massaged to prevent them from locking. In one hopeful sign, it Kathy appeared to squeeze my hand when her leg was being bent. She was probably in great pain so I was glad to be there holding her. A bit later with the other leg, I could see that her eye brows were also scrunched.

She's not quiting and neither are we.